... The day of the event started off with my dear big sister Melissa doing my make-up and hair, I have since kidnapped her and will be taking her with me – trust me girls, this is not a luxury but a necessity! It was an amazing feeling to have this flavor of love hovering over me.
The finale was The Firehouse Art Gallery in Berkeley CA. And this event was another family affair. It truly was "old home week" as Marcy and I were welcomed into the loving arms of dear friends and family at Tom Franco's Firehouse Art Gallery. Kerry Kehoe our favorite "Still girl" caught it all on film, er, card. (Card, I said card.)
It was especially sweet to feature the amazing original oil painting "Endless Raspberry Queen" used to create the cover for "Getting Back To Me." Sally Park Rubin was on hand to discuss the story behind the painting. But here’s where I need to revel in the mudya again. As much as I should’ve been ready – indeed I’ve been dealing with the digital file of the image since I first got the idea for the cover image. I’d been sent pictures of the various stages of Sally Joy’s progress. BUT I was truly not prepared for my reaction to the actual painting. There’s something about the magnificence of a real oil paining that we have yet to translate into ones and zeros. News flash I burst into tears – seeing it in the humble setting of Sally & Ed’s living room leaning against the wall as Ed feverishly hurried to get the temporary frame on in time for the event. The lighting wasn’t great at all, the easel and other furniture littered the foreground, but there…  I was. I was as if I was seeing myself for the first time. 
Back to the event – Over 35 braved the rain to celebrate Marcy & my love story with some very revealing moments - For our dear friends who've been unable to attend (we've seen your well wishes) the event was live streamed, (this being 2015 and all) by our dear big brothers Ed and Rick Butler and is currently available on the web. Rick, Ed and I have been working together for over twenty years. But this was the first time I was out from behind the camera with them both. And the “firsts” continued to roll… 

I say “firsts” because, tho’ this was as much our home turf as LA LA Land, it was the first time dear friends had seen Marcy and I since life changed for us last December. Also many people who we were only aware of, but never really knew, came out and introduced themselves. It was amazing, touching and nurturing.
And, it seemed to touch something deeper in us all – Sally Joy’s honesty that her painting was her way of understanding my decision to step forward in life as I am. She, like many people closest to Marcy & me, really had a tough time getting her head to follow her heart. She loved me enough in my former skin) to ask us to be Sam’s Godparents, and held me in high regard as a husband. And what was so inspiring to me was that rather than throw up her hands and say it’s too complicated, she actively worked it thru her very own way until her head could hear her heart. Love is love. And the painting shows it!
I read from Chapter 22 “Too Late To Go Back To Sleep” which describes my process of using concentric circles that represent the spheres that emanate from my heart that represent Marcy, my family, and my friends. After I had had “the chat” with circles I let the rest of the world know in a more quiet and dignified fashion. I would simply, without announcement or fanfare merely change my facebook profile picture and that pesky gender marker to it’s true F for female. Those of you who have read the book will know that… well, it was a good plan on paper anyway. But it was also how Sally Joy would see my face for the very first time after hearing my news and how it became the subject for her painting.
The Q&A was different this time as Marcy & I started off side by side rather than have me go at it solo. And the most satisfying response for me came when one man said that my book made him look to his own life to see what armor he had created to cover his true self to the world. I love when our story transcends the subject or issue and rises to the universal!
Sally & Ed’s son (and my & Marcy's godson) Sam sent everyone home with his a'capella rendition of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Afterward I signed books and Marcy & I mingled as Sally Joy passed around her Granny's coveted shortbread (secret recipe - I'll never tell) and Lisa made a special Christmas Chai! - we can't thank you ladies enough - thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Our intention behind this leg of the tour was to create as much buzz with personal events with our family & friends to spread the word that we had written a book. In each stop we asked everyone to post pictures and comments on their FB pages and twitter feeds, etc. so that each person that attended would be a connection point to their spheres of influence. We see traffic to our website after each event thanks to you all (please don’t stop!) and great reviews on amazon when the books are bought and read. The goal being that our story could help others, but people have to know it’s there for the getting!
We tried everything we could think of in this short period of time from the day the book was released (Nov.10th 2015) until the New Year, from a neighborhood cookie party to a formal presentation at one of the largest and most influential corporations on the planet. We held an event in the classic old school style of a library book signing to an charity fundraising for LGBTQ teens, from restaurants to a winery to a live stream.
In the end, we can say we made a good start. In each location we had dear amazing guardian angels who gave up their time Merrie-Lynn in Sherman Oaks, Michelle in Hillcrest, Monica at Google, Mary Anne in Del Mar, Laurie in SJ, Cassie with the Youthspace, Jack & Ruthie in Woodland Hills and Sally Joy & Tom in Berkeley, for their love, logistical support and personal contacts… and in some cases a spare bedroom!
Marcy and my story is now your stories. And all of our love is yours.
Our journey is only now beginning. 2016 is going to be amazing! We’ll see you there!  
 
 
​

​I got to know Scottie over the past 15+ years as Marcy’s husband, the guy I saw at events behind the camera, or telling the guy behind the camera what to do. Over the past 4 or 5 years, Marcy and I worked closely together, albeit via long distance, and I got to see Scottie through Marcy’s eyes as her great love, husband, and friend. During that time I also had the chance to hang out with Scottie when she was in town two or three times a year; we developed a routine centered around coffee, of which I always had the best available in my office, all the better to lure a sleep-deprived show-runner for a chat.
 
Like everyone who’s known the Maddens over the years, I saw their relationship as a model for how a couple should treat each other.
 
Then one day last year, I was visiting Marcy in LA—Scottie was in Denver working on Dude—and the conversation turned to relationships.  Once again, I was going on about how if I were ever to be in a romantic one again, of course it would have to be with someone as thoughtful, fun, and devoted as her love. There was a pause, and Marcy said, “Well, I have something to tell you.”
 
My heart stopped. I was horrified that she was about to tell me they were splitting up. This was unthinkable, but at the same time I had known it to happen to the seemingly most solid of marriages, so I tried to prepare myself for what I might be about to hear.
 
When Marcy told me what was going on with Scott/Scottie, my heart started up again, but for a moment I was speechless all the same. It took a few moments to wrap my brain around what she was saying. It was, after all, a very big deal. Surprisingly though, it didn’t take long to process the news, and my first words were, “Thank God! I thought you were going to tell me you guys were getting a divorce!”
 
Marcy giggled; she may have been as relieved as I was, having told me this huge secret that I now know she had been carrying for years. Since that day I have been loving getting to know Scottie—the rest of her, her true self—and watching Marcy and Scottie’s relationship as it continues to unfold.

my dear friend Patricia had just won the “traveled the farthest contest” – ALBUQUERQUE NEW MEXICO? I couldn’t believe my eyes! A huge hug from an amazing woman that I hadn’t seen in twenty years! What a rockstar! But I had to calm down and get my head together – so much to say to everyone, and so much on the line…
So I found a quiet place to look over what I planned to read… and it hit me, libraries have always been worlds of wonder as I grew up – canyons that open into new universes with every turn of a page. I don’t get to them now as an adult, and for the life of me, as I smell the paper and settle into that wondrous hush, I can’t come up with good reason why…
But a tap on my shoulder pulls me from my reverie. And then Polly is graciously introducing me to a room that is 90% family, and friends who are or should be family, and as I scan the faces, those who actually play a role factor in the book. 
But, in actual fact, really only a few (who had already read my journey) knew what I was about to reveal, I mean really reveal. A pivotal moment of my childhood that would actually haunt me as recently as last year, which I wrote had happened while I was hosting my sister Kimm’s birthday… chapter 5 “What nothing sounds like.”
But as usual, the best part was the question and answer portion of our show. Cuz this time, we had another rock star – June, a grandmother and guest of Bud & Mary Ann, who has grandson, who’s gay and grand daughter who works with LGBTQ community.  And she had the best questions, truly trying to understand the journey with an open mind and heart!  What a great example. What a great lady!
We talked of many things, about gender roles and challenges for women in the workplace, once again, my sister Kimm brought down the house (for those of you reading the book – she and Mylove have all of the best lines) when I was asked if as a woman, I have always been this communicative or did this come as a result of the changes in my recent life. Kimm rolled her eyes, no, she’s been this way FOREVER!
After I signed books we had a little after party where I was able to catch-up with my dear friends and family.  In a night of highlights, spending time with Darrce, who’s Marcy’s namesake, and I’ve watched blossom into an amazing woman. We could speak (finally) freely as two women who’ve watched each other grow and I could meet her love Will, an equally wonderful man.
So… tour stop 4 ended with me and amazing sister Kimm curled up on her couch... reliving our favorite moments… and… growing as sisters should: with love, laughter and that deep, “knowing” of who each really is. And that’s one of my greatest treasures.
Next stop is… HOLY MOLY, Saturday?  It’s back to Silicon Valley for a book signing fundraising event at the Savana Channelle Winery in the Santa Cruz Mts… see you there!
 ​