Episode 1 - The Introduction, and "IT"

Marcy & Scottie start their exploration of Marcy's side of Getting Back To Me, with " The Introduction."  Marcy sheds light on Scottie's "IT," and the news that rocked their world... ​

Episode 2, part 1 Newsflash!

In part 1 of this weeks' 2 part episode,Scottie lets it slip that an audio book is in the works, before laying the ground work for what was at stake with her coming out - namely a career as a top showrunner in the adventure survival biz and a marriage of almost 3 decades....  

Episode 2, part 2.  Chapter 1 continues Dude, You're still Screwed..."

In part 2 of this episode, Scottie reads from Chapter 1 "Dude, You're Screwed." which paints  the picture of the stakes Scottie faced as a woman in the man's man's world world of adventure survival reality television.. (how's that for a mouthful?)  Marcy observes that if isn't wasn't so funny it would be really painful. (She has a rather twisted sense of humor, wouldn't you say?

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Episode 3, part 1. Chapter 2 "Mylove" 

In another 2 parter, Scottie confesses that in order to understand the stakes Marcy and she were facing, losing "Mylove" was a deal breaker... fear of blowing up one of the most romantic unions in history, couldn't stop it from happening, it only made the pain deeper...

Episode 4  - Chapter 3 
"It's Like Deja Vu All Over Again"  

In this week's episode, (the title of the chapter is a line often used by Marcy's Mummy, Mardie) Marcy picks the passage for Scottie to read in Chapter 3 to answer one of the most asked questions Scottie faces -"when did you know you were a girl?"  

Episode 6  - Chapter 4 continued - "Make-Up Work" 

This week "shyt" gets real! The gals unflinchingly tear down another wall, exposing Scottie's shadowy past as she reads further of Marcy's helping her put on make-up for the first time.  A seemingly innocent example that deftly peels back the layers of assumption & honesty - the gals are surprised to discover that they are still wrestling with this as Marcy catches Scottie off guard, declaring that their life, love and marriage is still a "work in progress." Scottie defends herself, "honesty" was a dangerous, and scary ideal for someone growing up trans... but... the key is to listen...

Episode 8  - As promised -
​"Joy, continued..."  

Last week, Scottie maintained that Joy was the compass that helped guide the way, but Marcy wasn't so sure... so  this week, the women pick-up where we left off, giving Marcy the room to start to answer her most asked question... namely, "how did she do it"... Surprisingly (SPOILER ALERT) Marcy says she was inspired by, wait for it... Jesse James (first time ever that Jesse James and the LGBT have ever been in the same room together) and describes the journey as one of an evolving process... ​

​Episode 10  We finally answer,
​"What Nothing Sounds Like"

In three parts - the gals get back to Chapter 5 from "Getting Back To Me" - which describes a scene that many trans girls go through; a clandestine nocturnal operation to steal a few minutes of being real. And the consequences when the operation goes awry. But as Marcy points out - it's the first time that Scottie's burgeoning sense of self and strength can be seen peeking out from behind a seven-year old's eyes...

Episode 12 - Chapter 7
​"The Only Way Around is Through"

In two parts - Scottie sums up the way she's gotten through most of her life - which is going THROUGH most of her life. Never one to go around her issues, she plowed right through obstacles, through loss, through dysphoria,  and, as she discovers in part two of this episode, this through line (sorry - we couldn't resist) continues... as she goes right through her fear that life with a capital T might qualify her womanhood...  but it's a bell that will never be unrung...

Episode 14 - Chapter 9
​"Turkey & Dressing"

In three parts - Scottie reads from a chapter about her two favorite things coming together on one special holiday - fashion & food! But Marcy digs in getting Scottie to open up about a fundamental misunderstanding of the trans experience - spoiler alert :it's not superficial. ​

Episode 16 - Chapter 11 
"Visions of Sugar plums"

In this three parter, Marcy & Scottie try to keep on track in the light of the Orlando tragedy. and discover that the dichotomy of Scottie's chapter about coming out to Marcy's brother is actually the perfect lens through which to explore the gals' deep sense of loss and betrayal that permeates the LGBTQ community.

Episode 18 - Chapter 13
"(Finally) Home for Christmas"

In this two parter, a dream Christmas takes an expected hairpin turn, when Marcy's baby brother confesses relief that he can "stand down" trying to live up to the "standards" that Scottie set as a husband...  now that he knows that Scottie is a woman.

​Episode 20 - Chapter 15,
​"A Lot Less Ugly Than Expected"

In this two parter, Scottie reads from Chapter 15 "A lot Less Ugly Than Expected" (which BT-Dubs is a quote from Scottie's infamous cousin Tommy - but that's another story) which gets into the notion that knowing who you are, and being who you are takes some time to... well, master? It'd be a different story if it was that proverbial log that one falls off, or even the bike that one rides. Instead it has been a lifetime long game of tug-a-war with the mind, and if you take a moment to adjust your grip?  Yeesh! 

Episode 22 - Chapter 17
"Fi-Fie-Fo-Fottie" 

In this two parter, the girls take on the age old question, "What's in a name?" It turns out, EVERYTHING! Scottie reads from the chapter where the lightbulb came on, "If I"m gonna change my gender marker on my passport, that means I have to change it on my driver's license, and my birthcertificate... and that makes... gosh, I can change my name." But what would it be? It's funny how a simple little thing could be, as Marcy says, the rabbit hole down which she and Scottie would tumble in this intensely tender and personal episode.

Episode 24 - Chapter 19
"Gerhard"

Scottie reads about the most important man in her life, "Gerhard." Scottie knows she's been blessed with an amazing relationship that not many would believe is still possible in this modern age: namely master artist & apprentice. Gerry Vom Steeg was and is just that for Scottie. Marcy hopes that we'll all be inspired by Gerhard's example and be a shining light, for somebody in our lives.

Episode 26 - Chapter 20
"Cat's Cradle" continued...

This week Marcy & Scottie revisit chapter 20 - "Cat's Cradle" to discuss the inspiration for the title, and the star of the chapter their beloved friend Cat. Some dear friends took issue with Scottie's transition worried (justifiably so) what it would do their epic marriage. This wasn't just any just any marriage but the marriage that had inspired many to go for true love, especially Cat. But Scottie points out, Cat is the inspiration, when she couldn't quite wrap her head around Scottie's transition, rather than turning away, she wrapped her arms around it, instead, and hugged it tight.

Episode 28 - Chapter 22
"Too Late To Go Back To Sleep"

"Coming  out" is a rite of passage for everyone in the LGBTQ community, but it has different stakes and consequences for everyone. Scottie used a very systematic way, which she describes in "Getting Back To Me,"  as concentric circles - one of the most important of these circles was her college chums known as the "Tag-Team." For Marcy & Scottie, coming out to this rowdy "boy's club" would take more than teaching them the proper pronouns, it would require everyone to change their perceptions of what had been regarded as a "gold standard" marriage. A tall order indeed!

Episode 30 - Chapter 24
​"Agents of Change"

This episode, Scottie tackles a subject she'd been hoping to avoid, as she reads from Chapter 24, "Agents of Change," her journal entry regarding a landmark lunch with her agents, (and their first opportunity to meet "Scottie") . Scottie's been, as she writes, making daily deposits into the credibility bank, so surely she can she spend some of that capital on being herself? Well, Marcy has to be the one to bounce her reality check...once again, Ms. Golightly has been her usually overly optimistic self... 

Episode 32 - Chapter 26:
​"Buyfocals"

Marcy's able to once again, give Scottie lessons that she never got growing up, namely how to deal with being treated as a woman in a man's world. Scottie's metric had been to ask herself how her Mother would handle it, but there's a world of difference between today and Scottie's Mom's 1970's... Marcy brings it all home (doesn't she get tired of being amazing?) when she says that "many women today know they don't need a man in their life... I mean... look at me." But she doesn't want Scottie throwing baby boys out with any bathwater... reminding her that there are a few good men in the world and their life. Thank God!

Episode 34 - Chapter 28:
​"Rose Petals & Faith"

In this week's episode, the Madden Gals demonstrate why many thought they were "that" couple - you know the ones; the kind that makes it look possible, that true love is our natural state. But be "that couple" is also why so many were blown-away when Scottie came out, and... afraid. Afraid that this marriage was just like all the others, too fragile to weather life's stormy seas... but once Marcy sets her mind to something, nothing, and we mean nothing could stand in her way.

Episode 36 - Chapter 30
"Touched By A Mother"

In this episode, the Madden Gals get into a question that can plague many a trans person when they transition later in life. Parental Acceptance. (Which many never get from parents still alive) but that Scottie, who's mother passed before she could see her oldest child step forward as her daughter, could only wish for... But as Marcy reminds Scottie, no matter what you might think or believe of your parents, they are, (spoiler alert) people. They can surprise you. And Scottie knows that she is the woman she is today, because of her mother. ​

Episode 38 - Chapter 32
"Chopped Liver"

This week, Scottie reads from Chapter 32: "Chopped Liver," which is a phrase that Marcy has too often used to describe what feels like could be her new position in their marriage.  As Ms. "Butterfly"" (aka Scottie) spreads her wings, the shadow oftentimes shades her dearest, deepest love Marcy - The once and future Queen.  Marcy shares in her trademark candid way that transition is journey for two; Scottie's coming out was Marcy's coming out.  That they do it is a remarkable story - How they do it is... well, called love.​

Episode 40 - Chapter 33
​"This is Ol' What's Her Name"

Spouse, Wife, Partner and S.O.... what's in a name? The Madden Gals read from Chapter 33, where Scottie confesses that "white hot jolts of reality" keep arcing across her mental breaker box and shorting out her whole emotional security system... for example, tho' she dreamed her whole life of being somebody's wife, she never thought she'd ever give up being Marcy's husband... and comedy ensues..

Episode 42 - Chapter 36
​"Spinning Onions"

The... ahem, okay, "obscure" title comes from a vision that Scottie had as she grappled for a way to describe to Marcy just how in the heck, the (at the time) 26 years of marriage could have possibly been sheer bliss when Scottie was going through the hell of gender dysphoria. And comedy ensues...

Episode 3, part 2 "Mylove" continued...

 In part 2 of this episode, Scottie finally gets to the reading part of Chapter 2 - "Mylove." Every good story has stakes - on the line here was not just a marriage of over 20 years, but the marriage.... Marcy shares that complicating their struggle to understand Scottie's Gender Dysphoria was their dealing with cancer and chemo therapy.  Scottie confesses that she knew she was slowly killing Marcy's "white knight, story book marriage" even as she was sitting beside her in a hospital room, wiping her brow with a schmatta....

Episode 5 Chapter 4 - "Make-Up Work"

In this special "Transgender Day of Visibility" extended episode, courage and honesty are on the line as Scottie reads of Marcy's true acceptance of Scottie as she helps her put on make-up. (a momentous act of courage expressed in the simplest gestures). Marcy recounts how Scottie put herself on hold to focus on cancer & chemo... oh yes, a little light entertainment to be sure.

Episode 7  - Chapter 5 - "What Nothing Sounds Like"  

Coming out to family is one of the hardest things on anyone's journey - and the gals admit that it's a process that has many ups and downs, and few rockstars.  While both women have found themselves on the unfortunate end of lack of understanding - Marcy being pressed to answer as many questions - defending her Scottie as Scottie has herself, the women are divided on the better way to deal with it: Marcy pushes hard for family to understand, while Scottie doesn't believe that understanding is possible - and compassion will be good enough... ​

​Episode 9  - Our 27th wedding Anniversary Special!

Marcy & Scottie invite you to celebrate 27 years of marriage as they read from Chapter 28 "Rose Petals & Faith" It's a retrospective of three years of anniversaries - their silver anniversary, where Scottie took her final bows a s man, their 26th, where Marcy realizes that Scottie had more faith n her than even she did, and the ir current one when Scottie had to borrrow some panty hose for their dinner out... times have changed!

​Episode 11  Chapter 6
"Code Pink Protocols"

In two parts - Scottie reads from the chapter that both gals would probably rather forget...  the bumps and stumbles toward understanding just what the heck "it" is, and what the heck to do about it... as lovers. The title comes from a coping mechanism that Scottie used for over 45 years, that not only included "rules of engagement" but also the extreme firepower required to enforce them. Scottie dubbed this ever-vigilant security apparatus, the "Aegis Missile Defense System" a heavily armed artillery unit that stood guard 24/7 over everything Scottie thought, did or said to ensure she never outed herself... 

Episode 13 - Chapter 8
Lobster Rolls with a Side of Dignity

In two parts - Scottie reads from a chapter about the seemingly smallest kindness (and wisdom) from friends that can have the biggest impact on... well, anything! A bi-yearly meeting of Marcy's elementary  school chums becomes the backdrop for a monumental shift in Marcy & Scottie's journey.

Episode 15 - Chapter 10
"Out in the Cold"

​In this two parter, Scottie reads from a chapter about the beginning of gossip among the ranks of her adventure television crew, and pointing out a trap that girls like her often create for themselves. 

Episode 17 - Chapter 12
"Holiday Flair"

In this two parter, Marcy & Scottie are back in the saddle after a three week promotional tour in Seattle, and celebrate Christmas in July with a reading from Chapter 12... and an exploration of everyone's favorite word... Authentic.

Episode 19 - Chapter 14
"Thunderbolt"

In this two parter, Scottie reads from "Thunderbolt"- the seminal flash of Grace that shattered her old world for good, forever. The chapter and the Gals addresses the concept of "choice" which as Scottie writes, the world naively says over and over again, that gender identity is just that, a choice, and a bad one at that... Marcy saves the day with her thoughts on Scottie's "choice" which it turns out was to put Marcy's want of and for a husband in front of being true to herself for over 20 years... 

Episode 21 - Chapter 16
​"The Threshold of Tomorrows"

In this two parter, Marcy turns the tables and she reads from Scottie's book about the biggest conversation of their life and marriage... Scottie's need to start taking hormones... This very personal and life changing step is beyond the point of no return. This is a conversation deeper than they've ever shared publically, the Threshold of Tomorrows, that saved Scottie's life but put everything Marcy held dear in jeopardy.

Episode 23 - Chapter 18
"Getting Sorted" 

Scottie reads from Chapter 18 which gets into... well, a sore subject. The eldest of four, Scottie's three "little" (HAH! They're waaaaay more mature than Scottie will ever be, but...) sisters had three very different levels of acceptance; from unconditional love and support, to growing acceptance to out-and-out complete rejection. 

Episode 25 - Chapter 20
"Cat's Cradle"

Scottie recounts that no matter what she tried, she was never going to be able to think herself into being boy, never going to actually achieve feeling like one, never going ever be one, no matter what her body told her. After 52 years of  praying, pleading, ignoring and waiting, it only got harder to rectify her identity with her vision of "Should." And it took finally realizing that all of the pain and confusion could be over with just a little thing called acceptance. Marcy reminds Scottie that she has a precious gift that people don't even know that their jealous of, and that's the remarkable perspective of having lived life (and very well at that, thank you very much) from both sides of the gender divide. 

Episode 27 - Chapter 21
"Courtin' Favor"

It's the first day of fall, and the Madden Women are celebratin' autumn with Chapter 21 - "Courtin' Favor." The entire Identity game gets all official-like with a bang of a gavel in the Superior court, and before she can say "Court's adjourned" (after a kiss to Marcy for good luck) Scottie's in her very first job interview as "full blown Scottie." Marcy notes that it's hard enough to keep people alive out on the road, but Scottie's been learning from the great women she's served under, and their example pointed the way. Now, all she has to do is convince her future clients, that she's still the same person who built up that impressive resume'... ​

Episode 29 - Chapter 23
​"Brought To You By The Letter F"

It's a common theme in the transgender community - the old self must die to make room for the new self. Many even stage funerals so there's a healthy grieving process for the those transitioning with their loved ones. Scottie never believed in this - in fact, it's why she's named Scottie - She wasn't getting rid of who she was, she was just going to finally be ALL of herself, Still she was unprepared for the emotional upheaval that  snuck up on her anyway. For Marcy, she simply can't remember her Scott now that she has her Scottie. It's odd, but it's also maybe the key. Scottie's heart is the same as it ever was. no matter what it's packaging is. 

Episode 31 - Chapter 25
​"The Circle"

In this week's episode, Marcy & Scottie "circle back" (sorry, couldn't resist) to the first time Scottie's sister Kimm would lay eyes on her new big sister. Marcy is happy to report that Kimm's prophetic words would be echoed by most everyone in their world who would themselves meet the latest version of Scottie, "It weird. that it's not weird... am I right, ladies?" Everyone needs a Kimm in their life!

Episode 33 - Chapter 27:
"Meanwhile, Out in Reality"

On the day the GLAAD releases it's 2016 report on LGBTQ Visibility, Marcy & Scottie read from Chapter 27 "Meanwhile, Out in Reality." to do their part to make GLAAD's point: Positive images of those in the LGBTQ community do foster change. And Scottie is living proof when she gets some unexpected help from the divine Ms. Jenner making Scottie's case for her Texas Republican Brother-in-law. (SPOILER ALERT: It has a happy and heartwarming ending!)​

Episode 35 - Chapter 29
"God Save The Queen(s)"

It's Transgender Awareness Week and the Gals explain the significance before diving into Scottie's account of ALL of the  women in the family converging to meet Scottie, V2.0. Throughout her life, Scottie has always enjoyed the respect that was her divine right as  Oldest child, Only son, Only Grandson (on her Mother's side). But she was going to have to drop her "default programming" (which could be summed up in two words: my way or the highway) and step forward with grace, if she stood any chance of going from Patriarch to Matriarch...

Episode 37 - Chapter 31
"Vertex"

The title refers to a situation Scottie finds herself in a lot these days when she's interacting with those who,"knew her when." She's often at the point where two sides of a triangle meet - and in this case, one side is the past and the other is the present. Sometimes, as was the case with Scottie's dear friend Annie, the present is too startling (damn Scottie's a right fine woman) and the past something Annie wasn't sure she wanted to give up just yet (Scott made a good man)... Marcy points out that those are good signs, friends like Annie loved Scott and are sorry and miss "him."  And over time, they will come to see that all the things they loved in Scott in the first place are because Scottie is a good person.

Episode 39 - Chapter 34
"My Dinner With Anthony"

Did we notice?  Yes we did - we skipped a chapter to deal with an issue that is spiritual gu on Scottie's shoe... This week, the girls are (re)fresh(ed) from the Women's March! It's an unlikely prelude to a rather sticky situation that almost all trans people (women & men) face  - the invasion of privacy when it comes to their bodies. In this week's account,  Scottie reads  about  coming out to her friend and former filmmaking partner, Anthony. And no matter how hard she tries to steer clear of seemingly invasive questions, her dear friend's curiosity almost gets the better of her...

Episode 41 - Chapter 35
​"The C-Word"

"The acid test" - Nothing works faster to reveal the difference between men and women than this four letter word. This week, Scottie reads from chapter 35, which stems from her very first encounter with this epithet - and the conflicting emotions that exploded in her like a hurricane. On the bright side, Marcy is quick to point out, "at least she wasn't misgendered." But underneath the scars, after so much time has passed, it is not some idiot's mistreatment of women, that has set her off, but Scottie's expectations of herself as a woman...

Episode 43 - Chapter 37
​"Vanity Fair?"

This week the gals discuss a seminal point in Scottie's journey. The moment she discovered that she was no longer enslaved by fear. It didn't happen with a bang. It didn't happen with fireworks. It was a point of retrospection where she realized that the normal expected pain just hadn't come. Scottie realized that Dysphoria's black mist doesn't lift in an instant, but rather its dissipate quietly, softly and leaves almost without a trace. .

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Episode 44 - Chapter 38
​"Defying Gravity"

"Four inch for special occasions." It's the finale episode of GBTM- BSTS - with Chapter 38: "Defying Gravity" - And the Madden Gals wrap it up with a cow, a soccer ball and a cup of hot fawkey, spiked with light, laughter & love. It's Marcy's turn at the Heroine wheel as she pulls her beloved Scottie out of a tailspin with acceptance and recognition that love, especially their love will only ever get stronger.  Throughout their 27 years of marriage, it had always been Scottie who could be the strong calm shoulder of reassurance for Marcy when times got tough. But throughout this year of Ms. Scottie's first real steps in womanhood, she'd been more than a little... well, lets say, in need of a shoulder to catch her tears. Marcy was and is the that shoulder, knowing the precise right thing that will pull her honey out of a colossal funk... but then again, isn't that also what love is all about?